Hands up: who sees “can’t display net root hdfghjp98765 net root is invalid xxx ccc” or something similar on their computer screen and feels every one of their organs – including ones previously so hidden they could not be felt – retracting in cold hard fear? I do. Some new ones occasionally appear, too, as if grown from the tumorous dread that has collected over the years. I dread the day that my computer won’t turn on, or suddenly shuts Read the rest of this entry »

Put your hand up if you don’t use Google. Even if you hate it, chances are you’ve used it a fair bit in the past. Personally, Google is rapidly going down in my estimations and being replaced by just about every other search engine around. Why? Because Google were doing fine, then they had to ruin it all, didn’t they? Not content with having the world’s most reputed search engine, they had to go and change it.

Now we have Read the rest of this entry »

If I search hard and go right to the very back of my mind where all the things that I don’t ever wish to think about ever again are – along with one memorably poor episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and that bit in Home & Away when Ailsa imagines Bobby coming out of the fridge (I think, it was a long time ago) – I see a few things: one of them is the time when you could sit Read the rest of this entry »

London is a cool place and not living there and only visiting occasionally, it’s not often that I’m reminded of this fact: one of the best things is that while wandering around in a drunken stupor (this time with my friend who works in Health and Beauty PR and earns more than me and rarely lets me forget this fact…) you get to peer into shop windows and see all the funky things they are selling. When this very thing Read the rest of this entry »

People keep moaning about jobs. I do not get it. I have just walked past four shops in town and each of them was advertising for at least one person to join their staff. Now, I’d be the first to say that they aren’t the greatest shops in the world – one of them is known as “that scummy pound shop” so I get that people don’t want to work there, not to mention I bet they only pay one Read the rest of this entry »

I sort of don’t really know what to think about Wireless network security. I mean, I know it’s a good thing, and I like to keep mine so nobody can get at it, of course, but at the same time I love the idea of free internet: come on, be honest and put your hand up there at the back, haven’t you been to the airport and wondered if there was somewhere you could sit which might enable you Read the rest of this entry »

healthy hearts

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When I was a young one, I had this thing against wellies. My parents took very little notice of this, seeing as I had a thing against most anything (including and not limited to the following: St Ivel Gold margarine, boring sunsets, conkers which would not come out of their spiky shells and not forgetting ladies with big earrings…Hmm, I did not like them: for some reason they seem utterly malevolent to me and I haven’t quite managed to shake it off yet). But eventually they had to take notice of the hatred I harboured towards the farm-dwelling footwear. Eventually, upon finding me hacking up my sister’s favourite pink ones, they decided to sit me down and have words with me, so as to sort this out before I moved onto bigger and more dangerous things (and I had, just the week before, expressed a distinct dislike and untrust towards my nan’s incontinence pads, so it was a valid concern).

The conversation went:

“But why do you do this to wellies? What have they ever done to you?

I said, “it’s not what they have DONE, it’s what they MIGHT do.

They didn’t get it, but I promised that I would do no more harm. As long as no wellies were thrust into my personal space, of course, in which case I felt I would be justified to take them out.

All these years later I still have my pet-hates, and wellies will never be top of my list of THINGS TO WEAR IN HAZARDOUS MUDDY CONDITIONS, but at least I have a handle on it now, which must mean I have changed for the better, I believe. Because there is nothing sinister about wellies really, well, unless you’re talking about those nasty pink ones…

Standing in the queue at the supermarket the other day, I noticed – couldn’t help but notice, even I couldn’t help but notice this – that the woman in front of me was carrying a baby on her front and the baby was smiling and giggling.
Ah, how sweet (no sarcasm: it was actually quite sweet, sorry, HE was sweet). Every now and again the baby would look over his mother’s shoulder at me and make a funny face – Read the rest of this entry »

While most children LOVED going to the farm to see all the pigs and piglets and cows and goats, I myself was absolutely terrified. Of horses, mainly (but also of cows too, because they always had mean looking faces). And if you’re asking why, that is so, pondering the majestic quality of these ancient beautiful horse creatures, then let me ask You Why not? They are big, scary, and terrify me even as an adult. So it’s not really surprising Read the rest of this entry »